Angel Investors

I have a piece of gold in hand.  I have one of the best pieces of gold on the planet.  However, I don’t quite know what gold is. Plus, I don’t quite know how to buy and sell gold.  Plus, once I have bought and sold the gold, I am completely screwed, to put it simply, I am broke.  So, what do I do?

This is the basic way to describe someone who has a new business, or a good idea, or a good piece of Intellectual Property, but they are unable to get a loan from a bank or financing company, plus they would not even know what to do once they received that money.  So, they go off in search of something called an Angel Investor, or possibly much worse, they are approached by one or a group of them, often called the Midwest Angels, or some stupid name like that.

The typical scenario occurs like this.  The angel says, hey, I like that huge diamond in your hand.  Here is an astronomical figure that will make your eyes spin like a cartoon character.  While your eyes are busy spinning, we are going to spend about an hour in an attorney’s office, write up a contract (one of many different possible kinds).  Then I am just going to be on my way. Maybe I will have a slightly less despicable heart, or maybe I will be an angel group that is somehow masquerading as a religious organization or cult of some kind, but in the end I just want to grab your ENTIRE piece of gold, and then push you off a cliff, aka leave you with nothing.

Now you must understand, as with anything regarding angel investing or really economics in general, it is a battle.  One man pulls a gun, the other man pulls a gun, and the bullet that lands faster wins. However, in economics it goes more like this.  I am a more courageous man, hence I can literally walk into any door, anywhere in the world, and walk out with whatever I want regardless of which door it was.  If I am a weak man, then I don’t even think about trying to get out of bed that morning, instead I sip some liquor, watch some TV, and then in two weeks, my landlord puts me on the street.

People think angel investors can be good things, when in fact they never are. Why? The deal. The deal is always a poor one. The reason these groups exist is because they are made up of people who start life trying hard, surviving the market for maybe 20 or so years, then try their hand at angel investing, either individually or in a group.  Angel investing can even get so sophisticated that they arrange strategies for taking over boards of companies, coups of governments, or maybe just financially pillaging super wealthy individuals who are unaware of how to play the game of economics. While economics is less a game and more a way to eat each day, some people look at it that way.